【高中英语作文结构技巧】奇妙！教高考考生如何将英语作文从二流文改为一流

刘宝彩/修正评论家

本文由四个部分组成：(一)原告师考生英语作文2种；(ii)对原告公司考生的原英语作文二类文件进行一流修改。刘老师用《英语思维逻辑写作法》写了英语作文。原告师考生英语作文不适当的修改和修改理由，改编后形成句子段落。

原高中入学考试候选人英语写作两类文本：

迪恩琳达，

glad to hear from you . now I ' d like to share my opinion on how to be a civilized tourist with you . first of all，It is important for Tourists to proters

Yours，

灿里(东音)

将原来高中入学考试候选人原来的英语作文改为某种文件：

迪恩琳达，

I thank you so much for your e-mail asking me for my opinion on how to be one of the civilized tourists . this enables me to find it important for toots Sts togetting the environment friendly，as one of tourists，I am always remaining polite to local people without speaking to them rudely . this has(或To get the public well quiet，I would not talk loudly and smoke cigarettes heavily)。)the above behaviour should help me with the improvement publicly in good order . thily Right of me to do something pleasant to share to most people . tth

Yours，

灿里(东音)

刘老师用《英语思维逻辑写作法》写了英语作文。

迪恩琳达，

I thank you so much for your e-mail asking me for my opinion on how to be one of the civilized tourists when I could travel in holiday ' s time；ngs a joy at happiness to me . I should share the joy to people in local places . to them I pay a visit to make beautiful by my actions in the public。at helps local people get much more familiar to me to bring the great civilization to them。

as one of tourists I am always remaining polite to them，by keeping their environment friendly or clean，Without throwing the rubbish here analy

the above behaviour should helps me with the improvement publicly in good order . this

shows it is right of me to do something pleasant to share to the other. They will be encouraged to act reasonably and actively in the public. That brings more people to be well strict about their actions by morality and civilization they could.

This reminds me of having a great future in being one of civilized tourists to my benefit.

㈣原中考考生英语作文不妥修改及其修改理由和改后成型句段。

Dear Linda,

Glad to hear from you. Now I’d like to share my opinion on how to be a civilized tourist with you. First of all, it is important for tourists to protect the environment by throwing the rubbish into bins. Then, tourists’re supposed to follow the local rules. At last to be a civilized tourist, we also have to keep quiet in public. All above are my ideas about being a civilized tourist. Could you please tell me something else?

Yours,

Zhang Li

注意：对原文每个句子编了顺序号，以方便点评。

Dear Linda,

①Glad to hear from you. ②Now I’d like to share my opinion on how to be a civilized tourist with you. ③First of all, it is important for tourists to protect the environment by throwing the rubbish into bins. ④Then, tourists’re supposed to follow the local rules. ⑤At last to be a civilized tourist, we also have to keep quiet in public. ⑥All above are my ideas about being a civilized tourist. ⑦Could you please tell me something else?

Yours,

Zhang Li

点评：

整体表达有效内容有：③保护环境不乱丢垃圾、④遵守当地规章、⑤在公共场合保持安静...；①②⑥⑦属于可说可不说内容。其具体详述如下：

①Glad to hear from you. 这句话属于口语语言没有问题，但是根据“第二节 书面表达”要求，就欠妥了，因为缺少了主语 I am（glad to ...），需要记住:凡是书面表达不能省略也不能缩写（如② I’d，应该I would）。本句约等于I thank you for your E-mail...较好。

②Now I’d like to share my opinion on how to be a civilized tourist with you. 这句话等于照搬原来“提示要点句”了，所以判（阅）卷老师看到心里就感到“不舒服了”，如要老师感觉舒服就换一种说法，如“I thank you so much for your E-mail asking me for my opinion on how to be one of the civilized tourists...”而且老师看后有眼前一亮的感觉了，暗暗地会给你升档次加分数，我想。

③First of all, it is important for tourists to protect the environment by throwing the rubbish into bins. 此句虽然有内容但显得没有“化妆”。也就是说，这句话表达似乎是“从天而降”因为“无因无果”。

特别需要注意国外书面表达一定是“用英语思维逻辑‘定势’，就是说：左找原因（...by getting their environment friendly or clean...）←（提示句）中心句意（As one of tourists, I am always remaining polite to local people）→右寻结果（...without throwing the rubbish here and there in the public and speaking to people rudely.）。这些就组成逻辑组句，即以中心句意为核心而展开写作”。或逻辑组句改为“I find it important for tourists to protect the environment by throwing the rubbish into bins.”后，就符合英语思维逻辑原理了，因为加上了“I find it”这样就把“Zhang Li”凸现出来了特别是其观点。再加上“This enables me to find...即：This enables me to find it important for tourists to protect the environment by throwing the rubbish into bins.”，那么第③句在逻辑上就更加紧密地与第②句联结起来而显得逻辑结构方面“天衣无缝”了。

这正是作文出题老师提出的要求：1可适当发挥；2语句通顺、连贯，叙述要有条理。换句话说：考生要“瞄准”大考判（阅）卷老师的四要求：“⑴适当加入细节、⑵语言流畅，⑶英语思维，⑷逻辑清晰”写作英语作文就是这样操作的，所以付出辛苦宝贵时间背诵模板范文收效低，就在于此。本句③First of all的“First of all”明显是模板“味道”的词语，应避免。

避免的方法是使用代词，这里用的是them和前句中同样都有them→As one of tourists I am always remaining polite to them...，如此让“思路”保持“畅通”。

④Then, tourists’re supposed to follow the local rules. 其中Then也是模板“味道”的词语，应避免，方法是使用This代替上句整体的内容，本质上就是Then之意，但在英语思维逻辑上讲就是“因此，所以”等意思，由此又上升了一层次，让形式和内容达到“双提升”这就叫英语思维逻辑写作英语。另外tourists’re不应缩写，应写全称tourists are因是书面表达，而且习惯也没有这样缩写的。This has me follow the public-order rules locally, not to talk loudly and smoke cigarettes heavily.

⑤At last to be a civilized tourist, we also have to keep quiet in public. 其中之一At last...also 也是模板“味道”的词语，应避免，方法是仍然接续使用上述的This...，其中之二a civilized tourist, 与we在数上逻辑不符，所以把we改为I, 其中之三，keep quiet in public应表述为keep the public quiet（保持公共<场所>安静）,才符合英语逻辑单句的“主 + 谓 + 宾（名/代词）+ 补足语（形容词）之句型，例句：Please keep the room clean.”。事实上原句子内容不具体显得有“喊口号”之感觉，如加上一些内容，就更好了，例如：I would keep the public quiet not to talk loudly and smoke cigarettes heavily, 如此符合老师提出英语作文的要求：1可根据邮件要点适当发挥；2语句通顺、连贯，叙述要有条理。或者To get the public well quiet, I would not to talk loudly and smoke cigarettes heavily.

⑥All above are my ideas about being a civilized tourist. 此句实际上还是提示句的间接重复，为免重复改为“The above behaviour should helps me with the improvement publicly in good order.”由此继续推理得出结果是“This shows it is right of me to do something pleasant to share to most people. They will be encouraged to act reasonably and actively in the public.”所以，不但要点适当发挥，而且叙述又有条理性，还没有照搬“...being a civilized tourist”之嫌疑，结果判卷老师有可能给升档次加分数了。

⑦Could you please tell me something else?此句应删除，因为“张华”和“LINDA”谈“如何作一名文明游客”看法无关联。

综合原英语作文更正后的①至⑦汇总英语作文如下：

Dear Linda,

I thank you so much for your E-mail asking me for my opinion on how to be one of the civilized tourists. This enables me to find it important for tourists to protect the environment by throwing the rubbish into bins. Getting the environment friendly, as one of tourists, I am always remaining polite to local people without speaking to them rudely. This has me follow the public-order rules locally, not to talk loudly and smoke cigarettes heavily. (或者To get the public well quiet, I would not talk loudly and smoke cigarettes heavily.）The above behaviour should helps me with the improvement publicly in good order. This shows it is right of me to do something pleasant to share to most people. They will be encouraged to act reasonably and actively in the public.

Yours,

Zhang Li

这汇总英语作文就是有理有据，即：有原因有结果之逻辑推理，来谈论“如何作一名文明游客”之看法的一类中考英语作文。

===============================

附：英语作文写作已知条件

第二节 书面表达 （共一小题，满分15分）

假如你是张丽，请根据以下邮件提示，给你的朋友Linda回复一封邮件。

要求：1可根据邮件要点适当发挥；2语句通顺、连贯，叙述要有条理；3词数80次左右（邮件称呼及落款已给出，不计入总词数。）

Dear ZhangLi,

With the improvement of people’s living standards, more and more people choose to travel in holidays. This time I want to talk to you about how to be a civilized（文明的）tourist. What is your opinion on this issue?

Looking forward to your reply!

Yours,

Linda

（随着生活水平提高，人们在假日旅游，因此我想跟你谈谈如何作一名文明游客，就此问题你的看法是什么呢？期待你的答复！）

===============================

总结：

考生明白了以上四个部分，那么就懂得了——妙！教给中考考生把英语作文从二类文变成一类文的方法